Emotional, aren't we?

So, yesterday, while on the phone with Mr. History, I was making desperate attempts at trying to verbally put into words just how thankful I am. You see, when the email happened, I slammed that door shut. I slammed it so hard the foundation shook and with every deadbolt sent home, the windows continued to rattle. And while I was stewing (read: pouting like a child), my nerves began to relax thus making room for intelligent thought processes. As I've told you before, the light bulb went on, things made sense, and I couldn't flip those deadbolts away fast enough. Here's where I get to the thankful part...I am thankful that when I opened that door I'd slammed shut, he was still standing there on the other side. If I could describe it to a cartoonist, I'd imagine his facial expression when I opened the door would be something like, "Emotional, aren't we? Are you done yet?"  LOL    Even when I speak to him on the phone, he's always very calm and collected. In fact, I can't imagine him being otherwise.

I was also making self look like ass when I was trying to tell him that it feels different for me this time. I'm just sitting on go with him. It was overwhelming to hear from someone that they had been looking for you for 9 years. For those 9 years that he had been looking for me, my personal life was riddled with heart break, heart ache, and what amounted to a very broken woman left in the wake. I can't help but wonder (even though he says it does no good...of course it does no good but more on that in a second) if I had just stayed when he asked me, where we would be right now. But with that being said, I didn't stay and as he put it while we were on the phone, my leaving had dire consequences. In a sense, it did. We've both been thrown through he ringer by members of the opposite sex...yet, I wouldn't tell him that I regret my decision because I don't.  Had I not been treated so poorly over the last decade, I don't think I'd appreciate a good man to the fullest extent. I believe him to be a good man, however, we'll just have to wait and see how this pans out.

In other news, today I take the last of 4 exams in my American Gov't class. I wish I could tell you that I feel confident but alas. The good part? This class will be over and I will have more credits under my belt. I will climb the ladder of success one rung at a time if I have to in order to make it to the top...but I'll get there.

Monkey is doing great. He's so big and super smart....so far staying healthy too. BD will not be allowed to terminate his rights because there isn't anyone on my side, such as a husband, to adopt him. So, since he doesn't want to be around anyway, I would agree to lower his child support indefinitely and carry Monkey on my insurance if he agreed to no contact/no visitation and his permission to change Monkey's last name to mine. It's quite sick, on his part, but for a significantly lower amount per month, he has agreed to not be a part of his child's life. There is no way in frosted hell that I would EVER have agreed to anything like that. No way in hell. Shows how stupid, irresponsible, cowardly, and financially motivated he is. On one hand, I feel as though this is a victory. Someone who I didn't trust will never be able to just show up and take Monkey from me. He made himself a stranger to his own child and I felt beyond frantic when he would suggest picking Monkey up and taking him two hours from his entire life here with us...just so he could impress his girlfriend. But I know there are emotionally dark days ahead when Monkey has to learn the truth. My goal is to hopefully be able to raise him to think that what his father has done is irresponsible, is not condoned, nor should it be glamorized or glorified. I took legal action  in his best interests, and BD was given every opportunity to straighten up and be a part of Monkey's life. He chose not to be. So...it's my job, as his mother and someone who loves him regardless of how much is left of my paycheck, to make the best of what cards have been dealt and try to give him a fulfilling life.  :)

Christmas is coming up. Monkey is going to make out like a little bandit! LOL  I still have shopping to do. Not excited about it because I have NO idea what to get my mom, Granny, Grandma, or my sister.  Sis has been wanting a Nook for quite some time and the price dropped some since last year. They're still $200 but she's my sis and she's worth the price tag. She'll be my big receipt this year. Next year it will be someone elses turn. :)  That leaves mom, Gran, and Grandma.  Any ideas???

History Lesson

Ok. Well...Now that I have this post started I am at a loss as to how it needs to begin. Every story deserves to be told. And all the characters in it deserve to be mentioned. As many chapters in my life have been opened and closed, sealed up and almost forgotten, one has always remained open. Some of you may remember my mentioning Mr. History in some of my previous posts.  Mr. History isn't so "history " anymore. I know. I have some explaining to do.

 After THE email, I was furious and in my anger I found consolation in just slamming the door closed and being a raging hot head. For those of you who don't know, this tends to be my weakness AND my strength. The whole time I was upset with him, it was partially my fault. Partially. I had been so wrapped up in my high expectations for a relationship and his words that I failed to touch down on Earth's surface. You know...where reality is?  He came to the house and met family. They liked him. He fit right in like he'd been there thousands of times. It just felt...perfect. 

Until that stupid cow, Reality, set in and the email happened. When I read it, I was disappointed. I was so heartbroken that I really didn't care to read it with understanding about what he was REALLY saying. Now that I'm in school in addition to working full time on top of  being a mommy to a little guy, I understand how stressful it can be. It gets hard and adding a relationship (and we all know how much work those can be), wasn't something he could handle. I still have mixed feelings about the ex-wife story. I'm not looking for a man to be my son's dad. (At least he knew that) What I'm looking for is a man who WANTS to be a part of OUR lives. I suppose in a way I am looking for a dad for Monkey...but not in the way that some women do. I'm not going to force my child upon any man and expect him to pick up the reins and do a great job. I'm looking for a man who WANTS to be a dad to him. Wants to pick up the reins and be a good role model and father figure. A strong man with good morals. I'll never ask a man to do this. It will be something he does on his own in the comfort of our own relationship. I'm rambling. The point is, I, we, have discussed THE email and my response to it and we are past it. Water under the bridge.

There is something you should know about Mr. History and I. Prior to leaving for the Marines in 2002, we had a phone conversation that HE remembers vividly. He could tell you what he was wearing, where he was sitting, and what we were talking about in great detail. He was asking me to stay. He wanted me to stay in Texas and find out what was between us. I left anyway. We were young, I felt stuck in life, I had to go spread my wings. And for a long time after that last conversation, I didn't think about anything I'd left behind. It was several months into my enlistment, as I was racked with home-sickness, that I heard his voice. Not like "this chick is crazy in the head" kind of hearing it, but I could imagine his voice...the way it sounded. The way he said his words. And I missed him.  Every now and then I'd wonder what he was doing and how his life was. And I'd keep moving through my own. 

One day, someone introduced me to MySpace. I looked for him a few times, to no avail. I gave it up for the time being.  Another friend later introduced me to Facebook. I looked a few times and after several attempts (because he's the only person I've ever met with his last name), there he was. And he was married. And as much as I wanted to send him a message and tell him that I was still alive and what my where abouts were, I was NOT about to be the woman who pops up unexpectedly and makes waves in someones marriage. So I left it alone. I left him alone.

Years later, after my divorce and Monkey's coming into the world, I made an attempt with eHarmony. My initial and only bout with eH produced little and no interaction with the opposite sex. What interaction I did have with men was nothing short of disappointing. Something was ALWAYS wrong with them. They only wanted a sexual relationship, or they were too wrapped up in their current drama, I wasn't their type, they weren't mine...it was always something. Until one day, Mr. History's profile hit mine. He looked familiar. He was in the general area that I had last known him to be...so I contacted him. It really was him. And I was utterly shocked to find out that he had been looking for me for the last nine years and that I was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. He was divorced, no children (which surprised me) and was about an hour north of me.

Conversation with us is never boring. Even he says neither of us knows how to be quiet. He's right.  I don't know how to describe how I feel right now. He says I'm very articulate...but I'm at a loss. I called him on the way home the other day just so I could listen to him talk. We had a fairly long conversation but admittedly, I couldn't tell you exactly what we talked about. Truth be known, he had completely relaxed my mind. His first sentence was like stepping into a warm shower on a cold and rainy day. It's just comforting and warm. I just wanted to listen to him. And that I did.   We used to dispatch...I in one city, he in another. In fact, that's how we met...through a mutual friend who was also a dispatcher.  I would listen to his channel when mine was quiet. I hated nights that I was working and he wasn't.

His voice isn't the only thing that I'm attracted to but it was the first thing, and in all the years that we haven't spoken while I was away and in the past few that we weren't speaking, I missed it. I have to consciously make an effort to pay attention to exactly what it is that he's saying...not because what he has to say isn't interesting. It is. He's very intelligent. It's just so comforting to me. I know that sounds ridiculous, and maybe it is, but it's the truth.  His intelligence is yet another thing that is so attractive.

Anyway, I could go on for hours with my rambling. So here we are. I'm leaving it up to him to set and date and time for a dinner date. If he knows what's good for him though, he won't keep me waiting. LOL  *wink* I am excited to see him. I loved his company before and I can't wait to enjoy it again.  Another chapter in my story, or just another blog? Let's see what path he decides to take, shall we?

Lost in the Sauce

I can't believe how long it's been since I've written. I have such a heavy load right now that I don't even know where to start. I feel heavy. Physically and mentally. I ate almost an entire bag of Zapp's BBQ kettle style chips today as I sat in front on my computer wandering aimlessly in the abyss that is the WWW. More specifically, Facebook. It helped nothing.

My cousin is walking and losing weight and I am so happy for her. She's been well over 300 lbs for a very long time and thus far, she has shed 50 of it. Even as heavy as she still is, she looks great. She has found the motivation that I desperately need and crave every day. I feel helpless and out of control right now and borderline nuts half the time.

I hate my job. I know, I know. I'm lucky to have one...  But seriously? I hate my job. I dread getting out of bed on days that I have to work and have absolutely zero passion for anything about it. Yet, I have no idea what to do or where to even start to find the true root of my miserable existence in the work force. I don't really know what I want to do and in all honesty, have no idea what I would be good at or like to do. This is a HUGE problemo. And it stresses me daily.

I currently have a boyfriend, though may not for very much longer. Today, I realized that though he may care for me, we are not on the same page. And I'm tired of constantly being disappointed and in a consistent manner. I don't think he's the one. Not anymore at least.  That saddens me. Greatly. I really liked him a lot. On some level, loved him. But I can walk away and be done. I just hate that feeling of one more failure. A close friend told me that it's not I who has failed but rather that I have, again, dealt with someone who has failed me and that I cannot change someone who doesn't want to be changed. She's right. Plain and simple. Ugh. I hate it. I hate this feeling. I'm just...done. I'm done with it.


Also, Baby Daddy said he wants to give up his rights. That is both good and bad. Good because if it happens, I'll likely not have to deal with his fucking dumb ass for a long time. Bad because even though it's never been about the money, I will likely no longer receive child support. That is not my money. It's Monkey's. And it has ALWAYS gone towards daycare expenses...since that's about all it pays for. Anything left over, which is pocket change, is always just left int he account. I'm not one of those parents who uses their child's support funds to get her nails done or some other frivolous spend. That's Monkey's money. It goes towards his welfare. I just happen to use it to pay for his daycare. If BD isn't held financially responsible any longer, that's a big bill coming my way that is very abrupt and very regular.  That's about to strap me tighter than a gnat's ass over a rain barrel...

I'm stressed and hating it. I'm unhappy and hating that even more so. I don't know where to start. I don't know where the yellow brick road is to take that first step into the spiral.

When it all comes down...

When it all comes down to it, Gracie remains. I don't have time to be outwardly depressed. Not getting out of bed for a few days while I mourn the lack of a significant other is not an option. I have a child (who can put a smile on my face even when I am in the darkest of moods) that depends on me to not lose my job. He doesn't know it, but he depends on that.  Otherwise, I would lose my car. He'd have no where to go bye-bye to if Mommy can't drive us there. I'd have no money to get him fun things and diapers...I mean...I just do not have time to lay around and be depressed.

But some days, I'd like to.

Like today.

I go through phases where being single is just the greatest thing since sliced bread. During those times, I don't feel the weight of the romantic world staring me in the face. I don't feel green with envy of all my girlfriends who have found good men to share their lives with. I don't constantly look at people I meet everyday like "Are you him?".

Then there are times like this week that it just seems like love is in the air for everyone else but I feel like I'm gasping for just half a lungful of that air without any luck. There is no worse feeling than the feeling of loneliness.  Of climbing in your bed alone, again, and there isn't a warm person to snuggle up to. Riding in the car and there's no navigator sitting in you passenger seat, or a pilot driving you to where you want to go. You know. Your other half.

Some of my girlfriends have married some fantastic men. The kind of men that just...get it and have no qualms about entertaining the silliness of their wives just for the sake of seeing her smile. They love their wives with just enough ferocity to be completely normal without being possessive. I can't say that I have EVER felt completely comfortable with a significant other. I've always been nervous about something.  Is he going to cheat? Does he like my family? Does my family like him?  Is he good for Monkey? (Because we all know that if he's no good for Monkey, he sure as hell won't be good for me.)

I've decided to submerge myself into school and not come up for said air until I have a degree in something. Maybe if I'm too busy with work, Monkey and school, I won't have time to think about much of anything else...

Her.

The story, in her words, can be found here.

But let me tell you a little something about Mrs. Adventure...

If I were to ever win a trip to Europe, she'd be my pick to go over the pond with me.

If I get too down on myself and need a virtual slap in the face "get a hold of your self woman" moment, she is who I call.

When I get my heart broken and need to be reminded of just WHO I am and the degree of my inner strength, she gets those calls, too.

When I want to strangle my co-workers...she gets the fuming and irrational emails.

For as long as I was married to her ex-husband, I was told lies about her and led to believe she was Satan's mistress with a hot red poker for a pitch fork. And when I reached out to her during my divorce, she found it in her heart to love me anyway. Well, the sisterly love part didn't come until we realized JUST how much a like we are and in how many ways...but she didn't shut me out when I was hurting.  (**We even tried to talk to wife #3 and help her understand who she was really married to when the dumb bimbo reached out to US!!  Too bad she's as stupid as she is. He's already cheated on her once, while she was pregnant might I add. But she insulted Mrs. Adventure and got stupid with me too so she can't be a part of our "First Wives Club". LMAO!!! Bimbo is still married to him...idiot.) 

And since, she and I have become closer as friends. She knows how much I really weigh and what my real pants size is. She knows exactly what will push  my buttons and just how much crap I'm going to take before spewing forth hate and discontent. She also knows that I'm tenderhearted and am emotionally hurt very easily.  And just as a best friend should, she knows how to make me laugh so hard that liquid threatens to come out of my nose.

You know that friend that would flatten any jerk who hurt your heart, allow your child to help her make granola bars to keep him busy as you take a quick shower, would stay up all night to let you in when you finally got done driving down for a visit (even though she's ALSO been up all day) and meet you at the door with a glass of freshly poured wine.

That's her.

That's my best friend.

Not gonna happen

You are probably wondering what happened with Mr. Geek Squad. Well, I was disappointed. I was disappointed in several things but the first thing I realized when I first saw him was that he had not had a haircut in like, a month or two, I swear.  I'm still not down to my ideal weight. But I do not allow that to be an excuse or a crutch to not take care of myself.  Before this trip, I made the effort to have my hair done again, my eyebrows waxed, clean clothes to travel with, etc.  I wore makeup most of the time. I didn't do these things for anyone but MYSELF. Keeping up with my outward appearance is important to me. Even my weight though it's a little more difficult due to time constraints...  I do things to make myself feel better and more presentable. It was apparent that he cares not for his own appearance. Otherwise, I believe he would have at least gotten himself a haircut. It always makes a difference.

The second thing I noticed was that he had gained weight. (We all have our reasons for gaining weight. Mine was pregnancy. I was healthy before I became pregnant and with being a single mom, it's difficult for me to find time to exercise, but I do. It might not be everyday, but I find ways to if not be able to lose my weight, to maintain it and not gain more. It's the least I can do for myself.) Now, I know for a fact that he JUST left a job that left him with an abundance of free time. Why wasn't he using that time to focus on himself and to make himself healthy again? To make himself feel better (since he more than once commented on his own weight so I know he is conscious of it)? The truth lies in the fact that he plays computer games all night and neglects sleep on some occasions. He also is less conscious of what he eats. Example... We (Mr. Geek Squad, BFF, myself, BFF's kiddos, and Monkey) all went to the children's museum in New Orleans. Prior to that, we ate at the WWII museum's restaurant "The American Sector". We each ordered sandwiches. These things came out in seriously large portions. There was also an appetizer in which I chose to only slightly partake in. After our meal, I was stuffed. I had a few of the homemade chips that came with my sandwich and half of my sandwich. I boxed the rest up and took it to go. He ate on the appetizer, his whole sandwich (a shrimp po'boy), 2 beers I think, and also had a vanilla milkshake, to go.  I'm sure he was playing when he said it but he made the comment that we (BFF and I) were "lightweights".  Um, no. So I told him that just because we weren't being pigs didn't mean that we were "lightweights" and he told me I was rude. Yeah. Ok. Truth hurt a little?    And it wasn't just this incident. There were a few. He chose to sit at BFF's house playing Angry Birds on his Xoom and later told me that he felt ignored. WTF?  I don't have the time to sit around and play video games all the time. And even if I did, I doubt that is what I would choose to do.

Before we headed into the city, he had asked me if I wanted him to drive. I don't remember saying it but I won't deny saying it either, but apparently my answer was "duh?"  And I probably DID say that...right before I got to thinking that this person likes to do in excess of 120 mph in his Honda Civic going to and from work, etc. I am lead from the knee down on the right side. I speed. However. I do not top out at 140 or whatever. And I doubt that I would...even if "my car was made to go that fast".  Then put it on a freaking closed circuit track and do your excessive speeds where the only person you are going to KILL when (not if) you loose control of that car is YOU! Even the trained and "been doing it their entire lives" race car drivers wreck. It's not if, it's when.  So, we go outside and it's friggin' hot and muggy. I start loading Monkey into the Xterra, and he starts asking me what I'm doing. Logic says, the car seat is in the Xterra. It wasn't moved. And it's too damn hot out here to be moving it 3 minutes before I pull out of the driveway. So I told him I was driving and he starts pitching a fit about me telling him I wanted him to drive and now all of a sudden I'm driving and blah, blah, blah. Whatever. Get in the truck and let's go. We went over to BFF's house and I had intended originally for him to drive from there into the city but when he pitched his fit, "I just don't understand why we can't take the HHR." (Again, the car seat issue... Let's think about this.)  Also, I don't like his HHR. Not because it's his but because it sits lower to the ground than my Xterra does. No offense to those of you who have cars, but I don't like feeling like my ass is dragging on the asphalt. Personal preference. Not to mention, have you ever really looked at an HHR? They're shaped like a hearse!!!!!!  No thank you!!!!!!


Another thing that I just can't swallow is that he does not believe in God. He has some sort of "theological" view point to where he has to be proven there is such a being. Whatever. Not my cup of tea. Some things fall under seeing is believing. Faith falls under believing is seeing. I care not to argue this point with him or anyone else for that matter. We all have our beliefs but that doesn't mean I have to endure his.  I don't know. It's partially my fault for allowing the "what if we get back together" conversations as to HIS disappointment in my visit. I just don't think that a physical relationship (there wasn't one) is enough, with such major differences in opposition, is enough to keep something meaningful alive. Not just between he and I, but between anyone seeking such. I don't need the stress and just won't deal with it.

Another rambler from Gracie

It's been quite some time since I've put thoughts down and it's time I do so again.

First, I would like to express my complete and utter satisfaction in finding that Blogger has an app in the Android Market. And you guessed it! It has been downloaded and installed and will hopefully be a tool in my blogger's belt in terms of not needing a laptop or desktop in order to spit some blog. Let's cross our fingers, shall we?

Speaking of apps, I also downloaded a weight loss tracker type app called Noom. For me, as in all things, it helps to SEE the numbers, SEE the progress, SEE the fact that what I eat is being accounted for and that my ass needs to lay off the bad stuff.  You see, recently I took a trip to NOLA and made my decision then and there to start making the change to a better and healthier lifestyle. (I allowed myself the pleasures of what my taste buds craved while in the Crescent City, though made attempts to keep my portions under control. I won some of those battles and I lost some of those battles.) The important thing is that I came home and have made more conscious decisions as to what I put in my body. It's going to be a long road, but my goal is to lose 46 lbs in 52 weeks (one year).  I'll keep you updated on the "46 in 52". Another part of this journey is not being so damned lazy all the time. For Pete's sake I was a Marine for 5 years and have been known to kick ass and take names with a prejudice!  I miss her and didn't know how much I loved her at the time and I WANT HER BACK!!! 

I love to cook. Always have. I like taking individual ingredients and making one finished product. I build my spaghetti sauce. It's part of the fun!  So last night, with the help of Fabulicious and Skinny Italian, both written by Teresa Giudice (Real Housewives of New Jersey...love her. I should probably go ahead and proclaim my love for that show here and now. LOL), I made a homemade pizza. FROM SCRATCH!!  Dough and all (except the sauce...I cheated to save time).    So, with that being said, I'm going to make more of an effort to cook and eat healthier meals and snacks. I think packing a lunch from home is also key to eating more healthy and is a much easier option since it's right there at home. I am a fast food junkie. And it's got to stop.

BFF and I got a chance to spend some time together during NOLA: Round 2.  I got to meet her new squeeze and must say that he deserves mention. Very much a strong alpha male and will be a great role model for BFF's son. Educated, successful, independent (read: stands on his own two feet), quick wit... LOL. I know that sounds like I am pining for him myself but this is not the case. I had the opportunity to be left alone with him while BFF ran to the grocery store and was able to talk to him candidly about BFF and was pleased with what he had to say. He is THE polar opposite of the scumbag she was married to and has placed a smile on BFF's face the likes in which no one has seen in YEARS. I hope he sticks around and wish them nothing but happiness and the best in their endeavors. Now, with that being said, he will have to answer to me and my Louisville Slugger in the event that he goes above and beyond to break her heart or harm her in anyway. ...Jus' sayin'.

I tried to upload some pictures but I'm going to have to have a talk with my computer about it's un-willingness to cooperate with me this morning. I wonder if I spill some coffee on it if it will work... Hmm.  I like caffeine in the morning.

You're kidding me...right?

In case any of you are wondering whatever happened to Mr. History...I did hear back from him. It was in the form of an email that went a little something like this...

"Well in lieu of calling you in the middle of the evening when I'm sure you are busy; I have decided to write to you about things, what happened, and offer my sincere apology for my actions, or inaction.  With all of that said I will get straight to the point of things and try my best to make all of this make sense, it has taken me some time to work through all of this on my own an make a decision as to how I would handle this and respond to you.

I understand that I somewhat, well did, just fall off of the face of the earth. First, let me say, that my behavior is not indicative of how I am as a person, not then and not now. I simply came across things that made me think about things with you.  I must admit that through all of the time that we have spent apart and the short amount of time that we got to spend together- I became very overwhelmed by everything.  There was a large part of me that was happy that things had just come together, and i rode that wave for a while and then reality began to sink in for me.

My reality is that I am 32 years old, I am working on my degree, I have no kids and I'm not sure that I am ready for the responsibility of engaging in a relationship with a woman with children.  It is in no way a reflection on you as a person or as the person I knew then and know today.  I still think that you are an awesome person, this isn't about you-it's about me.  I was married to a woman for 4 years, an we were together for 6 years.  In that 6 years I became very attached to her son, then one day She just took it all away from me.  I will admit that our relationship could have been better and there are things that I should have done differently, but as we all know we can't look back on the past because it does not change.  After that I dated some and was very open to the.  idea of dating a woman with children, but I'm just not so sure about it. 

I have been struggling mightily with the choices and decisions that I have had in front of me.  I know that relationship wise, the both of us have chemistry.  There is no question in my mind about that.  I am also not implying that I think you are looking for a dad for your son, because I know you are head strong and I know that you wouldn't do that.  The problem that I run into is my own thought that I would try to assume a role that I might not be ready for, it is so difficult for me to put into words what I'm trying to express here. 

I wish, very much so, that I would have handled everything in a totally different way but I just really didn't know what to say in any way-it troubled me but I should have taken a different road.  Between that and the stresses of school, work and just living I really have had about a million things going through my mind all at once.  Anyway I hope that your doing okay and I hope that you can maybe get the drift of the direction I was trying to go with this message.

TTYL"

I really don't even know where to begin with this one...  Chemistry or not, I have no desire to continue being ignored or treated as though I have the plague. Yes, he should have chosen his path a little more carefully. Do I accept his apology? Sure. Is it likely he will ever talk to me again. Nope. Basically what he told me in this email, whether you see it or not, is that he is so busy in his life. That's cool. Whatever. But to tell me in no uncertain terms that I will pay for his ex-wife's actions and that he is too chicken shit to give someone else a chance...by all means sir. Keep walking. I have no use for a man like that in my life. That's what I got out of this email. What say you?

NOLA: Round 2

It looks like I'm going back to NOLA (New Orleans, Louisiana) for another Memorial Day weekend!  I'm kind of a little more than excited about that for more than a couple reasons. LOL

I have someone new to introduce to you. His name is Mr. Geek Squad. And with his introduction... I have NO CLUE where to begin...

It's been many years since I was in high school (I graduated in '99) and even longer since I first met Mr. Geek Squad but nevertheless, he has been an integral part of my life. He was my very first boyfriend. 

I was 16 when we started dating, and a junior in high school. He was 17 (we are 5 month apart in age), a senior, and just about as wild as they got. Well,...maybe not THAT wild, but he wasn't chess player calm either. He drove a purple Ford Ranger, with limo tint on the windows and was fairly popular with the girls at our school because he had a charming side to him that would have a nun sweating in her knickers, easy. I'm not going to make any bones about the fact that I have a jealous streak a mile wide and twice as long as the Mississippi. It very rarely interferes with my relationships as I keep a tight leash on it, but let me tell you...it drove me freaking NUTS the fact that so many girls felt the need to flirt with him and he'd obliged them by flirting back. That being said, I loved him to pieces. As much as a 16-17 year old high school girl can love her boyfriend, I did.

How long were we together, you ask? LOL  I can't remember dates exactly but I think a whopping six months it was. Hey! In high school time, that's a long relationship!! But that was probably 6 of the most fun months of my life. There was a group of us that were fairly tight and it always seemed like we were going and doing something. Always busy. He said he remembers our relationship was like a rollercoaster. Just really fast paced. I concur. But within that six-ish months, he served as a first of many things for me. He was my first real date. The first hand I held in the hallways. The first ride to school that wasn't a girlfriend, the first flowers, the first jewelry. (He gave me a pair of diamond studs for my 17th birthday. That was in 1997. In 2006, they were stolen from me while I was gone on a det to Korea while I was deployed to Japan. I cried real tears because of that. To this day it bothers me.) He was my first love. So he's always been special, just not always liked. 

When he broke up with me, there was another girl soon to follow in my footsteps. We'll call her Skank Numero Uno, but S#1 for short.  She never realized it because she was too stupid, but he would realize some day that I left big shoes to fill and that she was in no way capable of filling them. In. NO. Way.  They broke up after a while...and due to some deceptive measures on her part, they had a child together.

He was the first to break my heart, also. And due to this, I did not speak to him for a great many years. He went on to get married (not to S#1---Thank God), and divorced.  Received heartbreak to rival some of my own. I don't remember it well, but he reminded me of a few years back of when he had tried to get ahold of me on MySpace. (I know right. MySpace? LOL Hey, we all did it...Haha!)  Apparently he had sent me a message and I returned one to him that told him, in no uncertain terms, to go f**k himself. It sounded like something I might have told him a few years back, but like I said, I only vaguely remember it. He said he was upset by it, but that he knew he deserved it. Be that as it may, I still apologized for it.

NOLA: Round 2 will be underway starting May 26th. I will be driving with Monkey to Mr. Geek Squad's mom's house. Mama Bear always did like me and recently has been just as excited about me coming down as Mr. Geek Squad and I have been. Insert warm fuzzies here. 

I'm about as nervous as a whore in church about the trip but at the same time, at complete peace with it. Since I've been in contact with him, it's become apparent why he and I were so good together in high school. Despite our breaking up due to his being a teenage boy and interested in other things rather than being a steady boyfriend, there is absolutley no denying that our personalities were on par. We didn't fight. I can't remember fighting with him once. We just, clicked. There were quite a few other girls who were just as jealous of me as I was of them. They couldn't come close though. They tried. But they were never me. He knows it.  I believe that my nerves may have something to do with realizing that he has changed a bit in the last 11 or so years.



That's not really him but I thought it was an appropriate picture...hehe. 



Mr. Geek Squad used to love the attention of every girl in the room. Somehow it sank in that that is WAY more trouble than it's worth and seems to be happy with just one girls attention. At the moment, she would be me. I've noticed he's become more of a private person...not so needy of other people's attention.  And even though my dad wasn't impressed with him as a young punk kid and I'm sure he thought Mr. Geek Squad wasn't going to amount to much, he went on to become a Computer Networking Engineer. 

The name comes from his request that I look up prices on iPads at Best Buy while he was in a training seminar...in Louisiana. We all know I live in Texas. So here I am, looking up the sales and specials for a store in New Orleans...while sitting in Texas. Really? LOL  So, the alias was born.

I am BEYOND ecstatic to take Monkey on another adventure and this time to get to see Mama Bear and Mr. Geek Squad...we're even pretty sure his dad, Papa Bear, will be around and not out on the boat!  I haven't seen them in years!!! Gonna be so much fun!!!

Is it May yet?!

Dear Mr. Right

Dear Mr. Right,

It's me, your missing Miss Right. I'm writing this letter because I'm becoming less confident that I will find you. I've been looking for you for a really long time, but you are so darned elusive!  I'll bet I could find a two-headed, purple and gold speckled, skinny hippopotamus before I'll find you.  Silly. I know. But still... 

I'm also writing this letter to tell you that I don't even know you yet, but I miss you in my life. I have a good life and a good family that I can't wait to introduce you to. We have a lot to catch up on and I want to hear all about your life before we met.  I'm looking forward to finding out what you look like, what your voice sounds like, and how my hands fit into yours.  I have a son that is just the light of my life and I can't wait for you to meet him too and see why we think he is so darn cool! 

So far, it's been a long hard road and I'm tired and weary. I have made some bad choices in the men (read: boys) that I have chosen to get involved with and they have done things to me that I know that you never would. I've taken everything in stride and have stumbled some, but my scraped knees are healed and I don't want to walk through my life alone anymore, because let me tell ya, it is SO not fun. Every rock I've tripped over, and every rut I've fallen into has made me more understanding of what and who I am. I'm not perfect. But I'm a work in progress and I know that you are too. I'm going to drive you crazy and you'll wonder why women are so strange but take heart in knowing that I won't do it on purpose and that because of that, you'll love me even more.

All my quirks aside, you'll also take heart in knowing that I've never cheated in my entire life and that God has waiting for you, an awesome and faithful woman. He's made sure that I will find reasons to fall in love with you over and over because I'm capable of looking for those reasons. I hate not having you to go home to and tell you about my day. And I hate not curling up next you to watch movie or go to sleep at night. I hate that you aren't here to laugh and joke with and lighten up my day, or to wipe away my tears when I'm in the depths of and emotional storm.  I hate that you aren't here to tell me I'm being irrational in the way only you will be able to, and it makes me sad that until we meet, you will miss out on so many good things that will happen to me in my life.

On the same note, I know that I am missing out on things and events in your life too. Are you graduating college? Are you starting a business? Have you even decided on what you want to do? Are you comfortable where you are? How old are you today? What have you fallen short of and need my gentle push to get you back on track with? Have you missed my laugh and hugs as much as I've missed yours? Do you even know that I am who is missing when you wonder what that ache is?  And are you just as tired of hearing people say that you are out there as I am?!

Some days I wonder if He forgot about me when he was making matches for other people. Is that true, do you think? Have I written this letter to no one?  That brings tears to my eyes to even think that. I want to be wrong about that. Wherever you are, I'm right here. And though semi-patient, it's only because I'm so excited to finally meet you and find out what I've been missing for so long. :)  I hope you are safe. I hope that wherever you are, that you are loved and respected. And when He thinks we are ready, I'll still be right here.

Missing you,

Gracie

Baseball and hair dye

Wanna know how I know God loves us? We have baseball.

Yesterday was the season opener and I am here to tell you that I am WAY excited about watching ball games again! (I'm sick and tired of basketball and really don't even like the sport.) Baseball is a favorite past time for me and there is NOTHING like eating stadium dogs and drinking a beer while sitting in a crowd of thousands of baseball fans, and watching America's Game. It doesn't get much better than that. 

Last year, the Texas Rangers made it to the World Series and I may or may not have shed real tears when the damn New York Yankees won. Surprise, surprise on that one. I hope they choke this year...

The Astros really sucked last year and it was a major bummer. I can remember sitting in the old Astro Dome with my dad, Grandfather (who is no longer with us, God rest his soul), and Sissy when their uniforms were that super ugly grey and neon yellow and orange. (Whoever thought that up needed to be fired...) Minute-Maid Stadium is quite nice. I was there for Biggio's 3000 hits game. Aside from the sucky company (Mistake's family minus my MIL) is was really awesome! One of these days I'll be back. Hopefully sooner than later.

I saw Strand Therapist today. I have noticed that the silver in my hair is REALLY starting to multiply...rapidly. Strand Therapist agreed, much to my dismay. So I got my hair color touched up and feel a little better about hiding from the world the fact that by the time I'm 40 I could very well be more salt than pepper (if looking at my mother is any indication...).  I'm just not ready to add twenty years to my face at the tender age of 30. Don't judge...

I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. Laundry probably.  Sounds exciting right?  Well, considering I was informed today that my American Bulldog is more than likely going to require a knee surgery to the tune of a thousand buckaroos...I'll be pinching my pennies until Abe Lincoln himself begs for relief from the pressure.  Wish me (and him) luck!

Down and out...

One of my favorite bands is a Texas Country band by the name of Randy Rogers Band. They are freaking awesome and if you don't know who they are, you need to familiarize yourself with them. One of their songs is titled 'Down and Out' and that's just how I feel today.  Out of nowhere today I have this overwhelming and unsettling feeling of just flat out missing Mr. NRN. I know, I know. We've been through this. But that doesn't change the fact that it's still there.  He has a girlfriend now and I'm honestly happy for him (honestly). But I miss talking to him and joking around, and being able to talk to him and he would just...get it. He understood a lot of what I said and didn't judge me. Pick on me, yes. LOL But he never judged me.  When I get to thinking about everything that happened between us, because I admit SOME fault, I just...miss him. Sometimes to the point of tears...like today.

Giveaway and recipe...

I know I talk about her a lot but it's because I love her and she's one of my best friends. When Mrs. Adventure first told me about her blog I was completely clueless about the "Blog World" and all of it's...perks. The fact of the matter is, my blog is almost therapeutic to me. It's a place where I can get things off my chest that maybe I can't say in the real world. It's a place I can seek validation in times of feeling uneasy about something, or just to put down events that have happened for personal historical value. I love to write and have been told many, many, MANY times that I missed my calling and should have been a writer. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. The important thing is that it soothes me when I need to get something out of my head and I have a place to put it.

Perks. You know your attention was mine when I said 'perks'. Go ahead...just admit it. It's just you and me here. ;)  Some of the perks of Blogville is that you find people on here that are amazing in their triumphs, maniacal in their passions, heartbreaking with their tragedies.  I've met a few people in Blogville that maybe someday I'll actually have the pleasure and honor of meeting in real life. (Yes, Allison...I'm talking about you.)

I have known Mrs. Adventure and Mr. Arkansas (her husband) for some time now and know first hand how yummy their concoctions can be. If you happen to like portabello mushrooms and garlic, you may want to head on over here and see what she's got for us today. It looks yummy and I can't wait to try it for myself!!  She also used Garlic Nuggets. Let me tell you. These things are worth every penny as they are scrumpdiddlyumtious!  No joke. LOL  I'll be taking advantage of her 20% off coupon code on their website. You can bet on that!

She also has a giveaway going on right now for a $75.00 Hayneedle Gift Card Giveaway. I know my Gran could use a rain barrel with as much plant watering as she does...

I hope you guys are having a good day. After I pick Monkey up from work today, I'll be heading over to the Chevrolet Dealership and possibly test driving an Equinox. Maybe if I feed Monkey before we get there, he'll be somewhat well behaved and I'll be able to focus on the vehicle and not be so distracted by my two-year old (who is also bringing in some two-year molars right now).  He happens to be OBSESSED with cars right now so maybe that's just the place to take him... LOL. Who knows?  I'm sure I'll have something to say about it tomorrow...

Washing my hands of it...



This is the LTX trim...not the one I'm looking at. But the same vehicle none the less.



So, I've decided to trade in my Xterra (and honestly having mixed feelings about it...she's been REALLY good to me) and have been looking at a Chevrolet Equinox.  My goal is to lower my monthly payment, get better gas mileage, and give Monkey some more room in the back seat. Right now, he can rest his feet on the inside corners of both of the front seats. LOL  Little moose!  I was looking into possibly getting a Nissan Titan (my dad has one and I really like it...in fact, I look for reasons to get to drive it!) but decided that I WILL have a full sized truck, but not this time. Gas prices are rumored to be outrageously stupid this summer and I have a 22 mile commute to work...one way.  The Equinox boasts a 22/32 MPG while Xterra gets 16/22 MPG.  The back seat leg room goes to Equinox also at 41.2/39.9 (front/rear), as opposed to Xterra's 42.4/34.4.  My Xterra has a V6 in it and there is a V6 option for the Equinox, but chances are I would be giving up my V6 for a 4-cylinder. Sucks, but if the price is right (to include what I'm getting out of my tank for what I'm putting into it) then we have a deal.  I'm still in the beginning stages of this excursion but we'll see how it all turns out. 



The weekend was pretty fun. Friday night Monkey and I went to Blondie's house after we went out to eat. We had Chinese and though I'm not a fan of Chinese, it was good. She suckered me into it because the restaurant that we went to has "sticky buns". A delicious yeast roll that is slightly drizzled with honey. Have I mentioned that they are to die for? Mmm hmm. They sure are. I could live off of them forever. Anywho. So after we left the restaurant, we got all the way to Blondie's before I realized that I had NO CLUE where my phone was. (It's a Samsung Fascinate...) We went all the way BACK to the restaurant just for them to tell me that they didn't have it. Well, hell. Blondie and I proceeded to search the parking lot and my car for this thing. Wanna know where it was? Monkey was sitting on it the ENTIRE time. LOL!!!!  I changed his diaper before we went in to eat and apparently didn't look in his seat when we came back out. (side note: while I was in the restaurant asking the staff if they had seen it, a guy at the counter offered to call it for me to see if it would ring. Uh, No?  I don't know you! I'm not just gonna GIVE you my number! You could be some creepy stalker and use my phone to find and MURDER me!  Thanks, but NO thanks...  "No thanks. One of my girlfriends has her phone in the car. We'll just use hers." Exit quickly...)  Finally, we made it back to her place. A little while later, Monkey started pitching a fit because he was tired and was ready to go to bed. So I took his little butt home and let him lay down.

Saturday, Sissy and I went to ATX (Austin) to go to Whole Foods. I absolutely LOVE that store. It's like, hippie Mecca and there are quite a few people who walk around smelling like patchouli and B.O. (both of which are enough to make you vomit in your mouth a little) but all in all, I like it because most everything in there is either health conscious, and/or organic. (No, I am not a tree-hugger, but my girlfriend Mrs. Adventure has enlightened me to some healthier alternatives and tips on better eating habits.) It was a good trip. I picked up some more granola, chia seeds, raw organic almonds, whey protein powder (for my morning smoothies since I don't eat eggs), some olives to chop up and put into my salads, some snacks for Monkey's lunches, and a couple other things.  Hopefully, when they finish building the new H-E-B in our town, it will have a bulk section. Mrs. Adventure has one in her local H-E-B and I am green with ENVY. They are saying it's going to be the biggest one in Texas but we'll see. I've been in some seriously big H-E-B's in my day... LOL.

Mr. History is just that...history. And it's really quite sad. One day we are chatting and talking like normal and then the next, nothing. Silent treatment in fact. I don't know about you, but I'm not about to be put on the 'silent treatment' list for no good reason. I sent him a text and asked him what the deal was and his excuse for the days with no communication is that he's been really tired lately and blah, blah, blah. By no means am I getting all twisted because he isn't talking to me, but I feel like he should have just said something like, "Hey...I'm a little run down and just don't have the energy to talk right now...hit you up in a few days after I get some strength back." instead of straight up ignoring me.  I get it. We all have days like that. But communication is a big deal to me. If I can't talk to you, or you can't talk to me (and this goes for ALL of my friends and family...everyone that I am directly in contact with) then there is a problem. Not only that, but for him to be beyond ecstatic and make such a big deal about me finally finding him after he's been looking for me for 9 years and then go to not talking to me at all... No. I'm not playing these games. You either have enough respect for me to tell me what's on your mind, or you don't. And in the case that you don't, I don't have room for you in my life. It's just that simple. You don't tell someone that you "missed" someone for so long and then not have the decency to tell them what's on your mind. It makes you a liar. I don't like being lied to. It doesn't make me feel good, or special.

Maybe I'm just better off single. *sigh* Mrs. Adventure and I email frequently. She knows all about the ruts and retards that have come in and out of my life.  She said to me in an email one day "Gracie, he is a man. Its not that shocking sorry dear. One out of ever 100 is someone you'd want to end up with and at our age at least half of them are married... because they wanted to be. You are up against sorting through all the shitty ones for the diamond in the rough. It sucks but its just the truth. Don't let it get you down you need to look at dating for what it is."  I love her because she knows me too well. LOL

There are very few good ones left. I'm still looking. But unless Mr. History makes a damn good case for his lack of good judgement when it came to my feelings, things will continue to stand as they are. And by damn good case, I do mean a damn good case.  I'm thinking single sounds pretty freaking good for the rest of my life. Single doesn't get you hurt. So, I'm washing my hands of it.

Gracie

Gumbo anyone?

This post is aptly named as I have a few things to spit out and from one end of the spectrum to the other. Gumbo is like that...without the spitting of course. It's got all kinds of stuff in it, but it's scrumptious and yummy and when my Granny makes it, it's unparalleled!

First up, I LOVE O-P-I Nail Lacquer. It's the best stuff since sliced bread and since they came out with a "Texas" line of colors this year, I love them even more! I'd like to have all of the colors just because, but only have 4 today. Boo.  This is what they came up with...

I was tempted last night. I was tempted to have a desert but resisted on the grounds that I had had WAY too much to eat yesterday and didn't need to add to my misery by having that desert. What was it you ask?  Bluebell (some of y'all have no idea what I'm talking about. For that, I am deeply sorry. I'm deeply sorry because Bluebell Ice Cream is a Texas thing and if you have never graced your taste buds with the pure heavenly flavors of Bluebell...YOU ARE MISSING OUT!!!!) Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream with ChocoVine poured over it. Chelsea over at Roots and Rings has blogged about it several times. I'm not a fan of red wine. I'm not really a fan of wine at all. But for about $10 a bottle, I figured, "Why the heck not?"  After I got mine home, I decided that it would taste awesome over some vanilla ice cream. It did people!!!!  But last night I didn't have any. You can bet I won't make that mistake tonight...

My computer was working slow as hell this morning. I wanted to shoot it. Dead. I know I've talked about putting bullets in my computer before but... it was begging, nay, crying and begging while crawling on it's hands and knees behind me as I walked away from it in frustration.  I decided that my employers would be none too pleased if I did shoot it so, as I type I'm praying that none of this gets "unfortunately deleted" by her attitude problem. 

Because my computer is obviously already there, I think it only fair that I get to go on vacation too.  I'd really like to see Greece. Greece, Ireland, Italy, Germany...and maybe England. But this is why I want to go to Greece. That and the Gyros...



OK. I gotta vent about this. One of my bosses, Mr. No Smiley (never cracks a smile, always dead serious,...buzz killer, etc.) is kind of a girl when it comes to his clothing. I'm serious. This guy wears starched jeans, a freshly starched and pressed shirt and a jacket to work every day. When he comes in the office, he takes his jacket off and puts it on the back of his chair. When he leaves, and it doesn't matter if he'll be gone for 15 seconds or 15 minutes, he will put his jacket back on. Over and over and over he does this. So, I heard him go into the other boss's office and it sounded to me like he was crying about the air conditioner being on!  WHO THE HELL CRIES ABOUT AN AIR CONDITIONER BEING ON IN TEXAS?!!  I silently prayed that nothing would be done about the A/C being on because I'm always boiling hot and miserable in here.  I wanted to smack his prissy self.

So, while I was searching for the photos you see above, I came across some other ones that I thought were pretty funny...



This is me in the morning...





How funny is this dumb kid?! HA HA




I know this is a little over the top with Japan and all...but it's still funny!!!



Have a good rest of the day. y'all!

Gracie

P.S. Head over to Mrs. Adventure's blog...she's got another giveaway going on!!

Been A While...

OK.  This sucker is probably gonna be long as hell...but I guess that's what I get for not posting in FO-EVA!!!

**Quick thought: it's been a while since I saw Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland...I should probably watch it again.**

As y'all know, I started school back in January. That is part of the reason, but not entirely, why I have been absent. I wrote two papers and they kinda kicked my butt a little. I got a 70% on the first one...Yeah. Not good. It was the first paper I had written since 2000 so I wasn't ENTIRELY surprised. I like to think of myself as a decent writer. That is, when the subject matter interests me. If it doesn't well...I'm kinda screwed on enthusiasm. LOL  Anyway, we turned in our second of two research papers and took our mid-term exam last Wednesday. I should have studied more for that exam and hope I did decent. This course has been an eye opener for me. A wake up call. "Hey, ass! Wake up and get your shit together and be serious!"  Yeah. Moving on.

In my last post, I mentioned something about The Monkey Chronicles. I LOVE that name but I think I've decided to continue my anonymity. And I don't know that I want to plaster my son's face all over the Internet (nothing against those that do). It's just a choice that I have made in order to keep from people, namely predators, from messing with my child. I like the free world and don't think that prison orange would make my already blotchy skin look any better. So, I ask you. Are we happy with Finding Gracie?  Maybe if I just put a tab up top that was for the Monkey Chronicles...I think I like that idea.

I hate not writing. I always have so much to say, but on the other hand, I'm an emotional writer. I write when my mind is right and fairly clear. If I'm burdened or deeply affected by something, often times I won't write about it until after the fact and then it's almost a moot point to write about it at all... I miss the blogosphere sometimes when I'm rutted like that. I'll try to be better at it...and now that I say that, I wonder how many times I've said it before. LMAO

I want y'all to know that one of my very best friends is also a blogger. (She's way better at posting daily too...) But recently, she has been doing some really cool give-a-ways.  You should check her out over at Mrs. Adventure...she'd love to have you!



I didn't make this but it's cool anyway.



Work sucks. I just needed to go ahead and say that out loud. I work with a bunch of children. My girlfriend across the hall way though, Miss Foof (short for "foo foo"--she's a tad more girly than I am) is truly my grip on sanity when these idiots start their crap. The midget was the one to start the drama last week. Or she is the best that we can narrow it down to. She's stupid, slow and just a whole lot of lazy and can't stand it when I'm done with my work and have more time on my hands to I dunno...blog maybe.  So, she started some shit that involved the big boss, an employee meeting, and references to me and the other chick we have in here.  I did not take lightly the personal attack she made on my work performance. I work, and I work quickly and efficiently. It's not MY fault she gets behind in her work because she's off being a social butterfly. (She's the first to put your business on the street too... Word to the wise...) Never before had I wanted to donkey-stomp a midget before that day... But you live and learn. I don't even look in her direction anymore. She doesn't deserve my time. She's a waste of space in here if you ask me.  Whiny midgets are the worst...



This isn't him but it's equally as bad if not worse



Speaking of work...I miss my office with a door on it. A door that I could close and shut everyone else out and not have to listen to all their problems and family drama. I don't mind if it's someone I actually care about. Miss T and Miss Foof are about the only ones I care to listen to up here. Every one else can just keep their crap to themselves as far as I'm concerned. I hate to sound all mean and hateful about it but I'm one of those people who gets all wrapped up in other people's lives and to hear about stresses just makes me stress. So a while ago I decided that I don't care to hear about everyone else's troubles. I've got enough of my own with my friends and family.   And I could slap these other two women in here who ask about how their lives are going...I can't shut the door on it because I DON'T HAVE ONE!!!!!  Grr.  So, one of my bosses is a short, rooooouuuuuuunnnddd, but not small man. Today, he is wearing his usual jeans with suspenders. Yes. I said suspenders. And a shirt that I could swear he stole right out of Monkey's closet. It is about 3 sizes too small. Wanna know how I know it's too small? I'll tell you. I can see the last quarter of his beer-keg of a belly sticking out from underneath it because it's too short to cover the damn thing. It's awful. My husband would not leave the house looking like that much less own a shirt to tempt him with doing so. Oh hell no.  Again, Miss Foof is my sanity.   She and I were talking earlier about how we really weren't sure how to take/read the other when we first met. Now? She-yit.  We're thick as theives now. LOL  It's nice to add her to my trusted friends list because she's real down to Earth and has a good head on her shoulders. I can talk to her about anything and everything and she doesn't judge me or act afool. It's a good thing. She'll be added to the "ALIAS" list when I can get around to it. She's a keeper.

Monkey turns 2 on Thursday. I'm kind of excited about that!  That means that I've been a good mother, well, good enough mother to keep him alive for two years. LOL  Sometimes I've wondered why he doesn't hate me for having to swat his butt or tell him "No" all the time but maybe I'm doing something right because he sure does always have a big smile ready for me when I go to pick him up from daycare. (Usually followed by a world class, junkyard, hissy fit tantrum...but hey. The smile came first. LOL)

I'm pretty sure you're wondering about the love life aspect as I haven't touched it yet.  Something worth mention has in fact happened. A week old recent event kinda has me guessing what's next but in a good way.

Last Tuesday I received a match so I logged in and looked at it. Now, mind you, I'm getting 8-15 of these things a day right now and sometimes they just don't catch my interest or I find something in their profile that doesn't quite sound good to me, etc. This one definitely caught my attention. His name isn't what caught my attention. His picture did. He looked very familiar and with the location he had listed, it was entirely possible that he was the same guy that a mutual friend had introduced me to several months before I left for the Marine Corps in 2002.  He and I had become friends back then and would have almost undoubtedly started dating had I not left for Boot Camp.  We lost touch after I left and I hadn't talked to him since.  So I sent this guy the initial 5 questions. And then thought better of it and skipped right to the email part and sent him an email. Basically, I asked him if his last name was what this guy's last name was that I'd known way back when and told him that I wasn't stalkerific but wanted to know because if it was him, we had a lot of catching up to do.

While I was gone, and it had been 9 years since I'd last spoken to him, I had every now and then tried to look him up. I usually didn't have much luck but one time I did find him on Facebook. I think at the time he was married so I didn't contact him at all. I didn't want to be "that chick" who resurfaces and butts into their life. I wouldn't want some woman doing that to me.  So I left it alone.   A few hours later, I received an email back and it said that he was in fact that same person and that *shocker* he had been looking for me for 9 years. (that's a really long effin time to look for someone) So, bam, Mr. History is born. (I promise to think up a better name as one brings itself to light. LOL)  Mr. History came down yesterday (he lives an hour north of me) to our family BBQ and really just kind of...fit right in if I had to be honest. It was like we'd all done that before and he had been to many of them. He told me later that it felt like a 9 year absence had never taken place and that it felt like it was just yesterday that we had seen each other.  I felt the same way. We are currently in the process of making plans for Saturday of this week.  No hurry. No plans for anything major. But it's nice to have him around again. LOL   I'll keep y'all updated.

Anyway. I am going to whip out my Nook and get some reading in. Currently it's:

Gracie

The Monkey Chronicles

As you all know, I have been talking about leaving Gracie and launching another blog. One where I can be open-faced to the world and share more of myself with you. I will always be Gracie and no amount of Internet will change that. The Monkey Chronicles is what I will call my new blog as it will mostly pertain to me with all the happenings in my daily life, but also Monkey. Monkey is entirely WAY too cute for me not to share. "Gracie" has been very therapeutic and for those of you who have been loyal readers, the therapy will continue with a new face lift. LOL  This weekend I'm going to enlist the help of my best buds, Mrs. Adventure, to help me put all the stuff in the right places because she is WAY more gifted than me when it comes to that computer stuff. PLUS, when I go on my adventures to see her, we will be able to post pictures!!!!  Yeah!

I will post again to give you the link as I will no longer have this one available to link to. Personal preference.

Gracie

*Yawn*

This laptop is my arch enemy right at the moment because it gives me the ability to sit in my bed and gripe to you about what a long week I'm about to have and that there are many more to follow.

I learned on Thursday that the new Work Center (WC) that I belong to, is on overtime. I have been working four 10's...meaning that I worked four days a week for 10 hours a day. Monday through Thursday with Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off. Nice, right? I loved having Fridays as my scheduled day off. Well, now I will be working Monday through Friday, 10 hours a day. 10 hours overtime. I could use the money for sure, but that makes for a very long week. Now throw in school. Mondays and Wednesdays I have school from 6pm until 7:20pm. 

My alarm clock goes off at 4. Shower, dry hair, (maybe) make up, throw clothes on, make sure my bag(s) I'll need for the day (purse, backpack for school, lunchbox) are properly packed...and be out the door for 5:30am.  Just so you know, I WILL be stopping by my friendly Starbuck's in the morning as coffee and all things caffinated will be my dearest friends tomorrow. Usually after school I don't get home until around 8pm or so. Maybe a few minutes before but 8pm all the same. From the time I leave here in the morning, it will be almost 15 hours before I get to come home and quit running.  Why couldn't I have been smart enough to get school out of the way YEARS ago when I didn't have bills to pay?!!!!  Oy.

Night y'all.

A new toy.

No. Not THAT kind of toy...you filthy minded people you. (Just for the record: that's why I like y'all. )  No. As you all know already, I have recently gone back to school. I'm taking just one class right now but am debating on adding a distance course soon. Working full time and going to school two nights a week takes away from the limited time that I have with Monkey and I know I shouldn't feel guilty for getting my education, but I do feel some pangs of said emotion when I think about how much time he spends at daycare and in the care of others (grandma and grandpa)... *sigh*

ANYWHO.  So I've wanted a laptop for YEARS and finally decided that I needed to stop whining about it and just go get one. Now that I am in school, it's just almost crucial these days to have one as a student.  I mean, who has time to sit in another room while their little one is up and running around like his hair is on fire and your eyes are not on him?  I certainly don't.  So I went to Best Buy last night and got a Sony Vaio.  I'm pretty happy with it. So far. LOL  I haven't even had it 24 hours quite yet.  I got it in Coconut White and think that because I really wanted the Purple one, that my next computer is going to be purple. Period.  Purple and black. :)




Found this pic online but it's the same computer.


And now the urgent truth of the matter is that I need to read the materials that I have printed up for this first paper and quit messing around. UGH! So boring!!!!

I think that this new place that I'm in at work will be ok. My old boss told them before I got there that I am "a very competent and capable PCC and that I need to be allowed to go my job".  Nice, huh?  There are a couple of people around there that are lazy, incompetent, and/or a combination of both. And just Thursday, I was given a task and during the instruction period of the task, my new supervisor made the comment that I was a fast learner and that I would be fine. I'm making those other two look like idiots and I think it's funny. LOL

Anywho. My subscription with eHarmony expires tomorrow and I think I'm going to let it. I'm not impressed with my luck on it and have decided that if I have to be single right now, then so be it.

Was that really necessary?

Ok. So here’s the deal.  They moved me at work.  When I was originally hired here, I was hired for night crew. Well, we basically worked ourselves off a crew but instead of sending us to the house, they decided to keep us all and place us where needed. I’m not a mechanic. I’m a Productions Control Clerk. I do administrative and clerical stuff.  Since leaving my original work center, this will be the third time they’ve bounced me around.  And the worst, yet.

The last area I was in, I had my own office with a closeable door. That was the most important part. I could shut the world out if I needed to focus on something or just didn’t want to hear the most annoying of all voices (and there were 3 of them over there) standing out in the hallway having conversations that reminded me of 3 four year olds bickering over who was gonna get the bendy straw.

Anyway, I am now in a room and have my own little patch of floor.  Seriously.  No door. And I’m working with people that are very dry. Maybe it’s just that they are still trying to feel me out and figure out who I am before they say something, but it makes for a very…strange day.  Oh well. There’s a possibility that I will be moving again here in a few weeks, count 6 or so, to another area. I’m kind of REALLY hoping for that.  It would give me a change of personnel, change of supervisor, and change of atmosphere. I’m pro for all three.  I’ll keep you posted.

Last night as well as the night before, Monkey woke up and was extremely fussy. He was up around 2:30 both mornings and stayed up whining, literally, until around 3:30-40. Um.  My alarm clock is set for 4.  Needless to say, I have snoozed all the way until 5-5:30 both mornings which put me in DEFCON5 status to get up and get out of the house on time.  It ain’t pretty. LOL  

I’m giving myself a huge pat on the back though because I have successfully packed and remembered my lunch every day this week!!  Salads for the main course, a cup and a half of blueberries for snack,  Greek yogurt and granola (mmm) for breakfast, I’ve got a banana in there just in case…  I’m not gonna lie though. I am addicted to junk/fast food and have also had some this week. But at least I did good and didn’t eat it for lunch 4 days this week!!!  Baby steps. I even did a mile on the treadmill the other night. It liked to killed me but I did it! I walked a majority of it at a pretty brisk pace and ran just a little of a quarter. Note to self: Stretch thoroughly before attempting THAT shit again!  

I started school last week also. My U.S. History professor is a freaking lunatic…but I like him ok. He teaches history like he’s telling a story. It definitely keeps most of it interesting. LOL  I REALLY need to get down to the business of writing my paper due March 2^nd… The subject you ask?  “Describe the contributions of foreign countries to the American Revolution.”  *SIGH*  I know, I know.  Then there’s the second one which is due March 9^th.  “Describe the influence General Leonidas Polk had on the Civil War.”  Shoot. Me. I hate writing papers. It’s the main reason why I have not been in school all along.  These two papers are worth 50% of my grade. Yeah. And did I mention that the second one has to include an oral report on said topic?  Sure does. Shoot me and stuff me in a hole so my professor can’t find me and make me speak in front of the class!!! ARG!!!  The worst ever!!

**Disclaimer:   I am very well aware that I could be less fortunate and not have a job like so many others today and that I am privileged enough to be able to attend college when others aren’t.  This being said, I’m just venting.  Don’t get your undies in a bunch.**