An early morning indication...

The following is an email conversation with Anastasia Beaverhausen...I knew she would relate to my pain being in a peculiar office situation herself.

 

**DISCLAIMER:  THE NAMES AND PLACES HAVE BEEN IMPROVISED AND AD-LIBBED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT...NAMELY, MONKEY.**

 

SUBJECT: Worst Mood EVER!!!!

 

Today I woke up, having not had my texts to Mr. Virginia answered yet again (and we ALL know that texts from me that go unanswered fucking infuriate me), and to my son kicking his feet...against the back of my head. So, "worst mood EVER" is a slight understatement at the moment. And to top it all off, I know me well enough to know that I don't need to be around other people when I am like this...at the risk of much ruckus, pandemonium, confusion and arterial spray.  So I get to work and one of the first things I am drug into, kicking and screaming I say, was our daily morning...

 

*IF THAT M-FING PHONE DOES NOT STOP RINGING OFF THE F-ING HOOK I MAY BE FORCED TO GO ON A KITTEN KILLING SPREE!!!!!!!!!******

 

 

safety meeting in which I was told to print out a roster so that those who wanted to sign up for possible selection to go to HAWAII, yes HAWAII, could sign their name. So of course, this immediately tells me that these vultures are going to invade my office (meaning I will be in close proximity to other humans) and that they will likely be loud, obnoxious, and in desperate need of my hand against the side of their heads, swung with just enough force to sting their cheeks and leave "I-dared-enter-the-belly-of-the-beast-this-morning" redness. Proof they were spared to tell the tale and spread an enthusiastic warning to tread lightly.

 

Hawaii. A place that I could care less if they went because I don't get to go. I'm a clerk...and they are not taking any clerks. They're also not taking any clerks on the Alaska trip. So...my care meter does not register their excitement. 

 

Then I get a text from Mr.Virginia that says his phone has been effing up and I'm like, so not dealing with this right now. I have a mountain of shit on my desk to do and I'll dive into that for a while only to surface when I feel better about my productivity, thus feeling less like a homicidal maniac.

 

And this was her reply in TRUE Beav form:

 

WOW!  So I guess the small order of French fries comfort food did not quell the need for mass destruction, arterial spray, and possible zombie apocalypse.  Tell Monkey he is officially grounded for being so rude as to kick you in the back of the head.  Close your door and kick all vultures out of your office immediately.  If I hear that there are zombies starting to roam around {my place of employment} I will take cover and grab my baseball bat.  I'm sorry you're in a epically worst mood ever.  If you need someone to bail you out of jail just leave me access to your bank account (since {name of our financial institution} rocks our socks) and I'll make sure to cover the fact you were in the clink at all. 

The conversations we have are, without doubt, the highlight of my day at times. Seriously. Who could NOT smile and giggle a little after reading that?!  Crisis averted. The vultures will live another day.

In other news, I purchased this GORGEOUS Starbucks Sakura Cherry Blossom mug from last years line (and never available for purchase in American Starbucks stores...it's a sore subject for me) yesterday and am giddy beyond all comprehension for it to arrive and be in my hot little hands!!!!!

For those of you who do not know, I have a soft spot for coffee mugs...an even softer spot for gorgeous or "special" Starbucks mugs, and a straight up mushy spot for the one above. CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

That is all.

Not interested?

Or at least it would seem so. Lately, Mr. History has been MIA...literally. Right before Christmas, he calls me after having not heard a peep from him for a while, and we embark on a conversation that is of a very personal nature. I'll not tell you the contents or it's subject matter out of respect for him, but just know that it was not the kind of conversation that you would have with someone unless you very much trusted that person. It was a random phone call (which was great because in lieu of texting, he went straight to calling), with an even more random subject, a few more texts over the next day or so...and then POOF! Gone again. Now, this has become his MO as of late. I'm losing that "shiny new penny" feeling of special-ness. He's very sporadic. And VERY hard to read.  Case in point: I don't hear from him for a while and then I got a text from him telling me Happy New Year in which he used a nickname for me. People rarely use a nickname for me unless they are family or friends so close that they SHOULD be family. But just as quickly as he re-emerged, he was gone again.  *sigh* I'm not really sure what to think at this point. This has been on the coat tails of yet another weekend he had mentioned something about coming to see me...and didn't. The Beav has said Mr. History needs to get his shit together...I'm leaning towards agreement with her.  We both start back up with school (and me taking on more than I have in the past) in less than two weeks. Time is wasting.  Smh. I dunno.

Anywho...

Christmas was great. Spent time with family, Monkey made out like a little bandit... It was just a good holiday in general. Maybe next year, Monkey and I will have someone special to share it with. Until then, 2012 needs to be a landmark year.  I've begun using my Noom app again and wondering how I'm going to stick to under 2K calories a day...Look at how many calories is in a Whopper. Guess what Gracie would LOVE to have right now. A big, fat, juicy Texas Whopper. And it's not gonna happen. F@#*%! :(  <--- Sad faced Gracie.  I've made no resolutions. In fact, I'm tired of making resolutions just so I can feel like a complete failure for the 12 months that I don't accomplish anything. Why? Just because "it's the thing to do"? No thanks. I'll just watch my caloric intake and do activities that are fun and resemble exercise when I can.  I've also reduced my "weight to lose" goal to a much  less scarier number. I'm going to start with 10 pounds. At 10 pounds lost, I'll reassess and set another goal. Baby steps. As Bethenny Frankel puts it, "do what you can, when you can". 

Monkey will be three this year. I will be 32 towards the end of the year in the fall. I'm looking at possibly being laid off this year as cuts in Defense are made and the downsize starts hitting closer to home...but I want this year to be something I survive because it's who I am. I want to reclaim this life I live and just get back to being me. I'm so far off the mark and I've lost most of my self control. If nothing else, I want my sense of self discipline back. I want to be proud of me again. But as I've said, no resolutions. None at all. Just one day at a time. One step at a time. This year, I'll make another attempt at Finding Gracie. Who knows what else I'll find along the way!!