<Bonehead>

(Fore word:  I posted this without a title, like a bonehead, and tried to edit it afterwards and for some reason it won't post the title with it now.  So, this post is titled:  BONEHEAD!!!)

First, I'd just like to say that I am SO very thankful for my girlfriends.  AB keeps my sense of humor roaring and Mrs. Adventure...well, she just keeps me sane and smiling.  I have a disgusting habit of being too hard on myself like, 99% of the time and in turn having emotional ups and downs because of it.  There's a constant battle going on in my head.  Some days it's not so bad.  I seem to not be so hard on myself if I am productive and achieve goals.  One of those goals currently is earning a bachelor degree in something (haven't decided on this one yet) and yesterday, had I not been a bonehead and screwed it up, I would have been one step closer to that goal.

In order to complete my processing at school, I need to take the ASSET test.  It will place me as far as proficiency and give me a baseline for where I need to start in my classes.  Well, the college administers this test every Wednesday at 7:30 a.m. and again at 4:30 p.m.  The cost is $20 and you are allowed a calculator though I don't believe that it can be of the graphing type.  I showed up yesterday, got all the way upstairs, and down the hall before I saw the flip chart with a hand written sign on it that said to please make sure I had exact change.  Hmm.  *enter head shaking*  Bonehead moment:  I forgot about the test fee and I practically never carry cash on me.  So, I turned my not-so-happy butt right back around and headed home.  I was so disappointed in myself.  Not only that, guess who didn't have a calculator with her.  Yep, the bonehead.  Now, instead of having my results the same day so that I could ponder over my class selection, I must wait another WEEK to do the test.  ARG!!!! 

Also yesterday, I went to the doctor about this stupid cough and draining congestion (I know, TMI) that I've had for a month and a half now and finally got sick of.  Diagnosis?  Bronchitis.  For a month and a half.  And WHY didn't I go in earlier when my throat felt like I was eating sand and I continued to feel like I was coughing up my toes and unable to breathe?  Because I am stubborn.  Plain and simple.  Bonehead...

*shift*

Mr. G sent me a text out of no where yesterday...strange since he was been MIA for several days.  We are on better speaking terms though I will still not allow myself to fawn over him in any way... He's a very nice guy and I will give him the benefit of the doubt, but in no way am I going to push for anything serious...

Which brings me to my next issue.  Lately the conversations with Mr. Italian revolved around one sentence.  "IF we ever do get back together..."  Yes, it's hypothetical, and who's to say it will EVER happen...but I am so tired of it.  I mean, we're not even dating and we have had discussions over where we would live if we ever got married!!  WTF?!  It's been 10 years since anything even remotely romantic went on between us and although we can usually get along on the phone, I am just so sick of it.  It's feels like unnecessary pressure and I don't like it.  Not sure what to do about it...yet.

I got to thinking when I was talking to my dad the other day, and I like not having to "check in" (and I use that term loosely) with someone. Even if it is just a courtesy.  I have free reign over my own life right now.  If I want to pack a bag (and diaper bag LOL) and go see Mrs. Adventure, or Miss T, or AB...or even BFF, I CAN!  And I can do so without hearing any guff about it.  I don't know that I WANT a relationship right this moment anymore.  My girlfriend is forever telling me to enjoy dating.  I mean, what a concept, right?  Why do I always mess up dating by pressuring my situation and wondering when I'm going to find Mr. Right?  AB wrote about this in her most recent blog, "Petty Little Napoleon Riddled Man...".  She wrote about how she usually feels self conscious and scared shitless that the guy she's on a date with will find all her flaws and be repulsed by her.  Well, that's kind of how I feel!!  But she has a date tomorrow night and she's decided that even if the romantic sparks don't fly, that she will not be at home bitching about not being out on a Friday night... BRILLIANT!!!!  I urge you to visit her blog.  She's too funny!

Ciao!