...And here's the truth of it all

I'm sitting at the VA hospital waiting on an appointment and figured now was as good a time as any to write a blog. I'm using my BlackBerry to do so, so I hope it goes through. Experimentation should not be used for this one but it's just gonna have to do.

I am in a great mood today. A few months ago, I asked my doctor to put me back on Wellbutrin (an anti-depressant). I didn't take it as faithfully in the beginning as I should have but now that I have been on it steady for at least a month, when I miss a day, I can tell. I'm not "I can't get out of bed" "I'm spaced out and anti-social" depressed. I don't know how to explain it...but it helps to take the edge off the irritation and frustration I feel with certain things. I feel like I'm a better person.

I was talking to Red and she said something to me the other day that kind of hit home. I struggle with body image and self-esteem issues. I always have. For a while, and sometimes still, I just couldn't wrap my head around people being interested in me if I didn't have makeup on or something stupid like that. And it is stupid because I love all my girlfriends without theirs on and don't shun other people I meet if they aren't dressed to the nines, etc. I typically accept everyone for who they are...but it's different when it comes to me. BUT! Red told me that it's not always what's on the outside as to why people like you. And this is the truth of it all. She and I have and probably will again, dated men who weren't the most attractive bombshell model men because we were attracted to their personalities. Is there something overly gorgeous about Mr. NRN? Nope. He's pretty standard and "normal". Nothing outwardly special. However, his personality rocks and in turn I am outrageously attracted to him.

I am who I am. I have a mommy tummy. It's got the tell-tale stretched out skin (which I loathe) and the now white stretch marks. But I'm finally coming to grips with the truth and that's that people will and do like/love me for me and not my body. I workout when I can, even if it's only once a week when I go walking with Miss T or kayaking with my mom, but I focus on more pressing things like being a full time working mom, who when I'm not at work, I'm at home chasing after a 17 month old. So, I'm happier now and increasingly more so as it sinks in further, that people are going to like me reagardless of my cover. It's the story and humor within my pages that they seek and want. :)

Recently, I took myself completely off the dating market. Indefinitely. I am SO tired of looking for my knight in shining armor and finding all the idiots in tin foil. They always say it happens when you quit looking and when you least expect it but I am FINALLY ok with being single. I quit thinking about all the things I might be missing out on and just decided that I have all the good stuff in life. All that other crap is just distraction from the good stuff. And I don't need it.

Now, this is kinda funny. I work with Biker. A few weeks ago, Biker was standing outside of his shop talking to a guy I'd never met, who had just gotten back from Alaska with all the other guys. I stopped and was talking to them and eventually moved on. Last week or so, I was talking to Biker and was telling him that I'm done. I'm just done with the whole aspect of dating, looking, or even worrying about men in general. Well, on Monday, he told me he had a number to give me. I was like, what kind of number? It was a friend of his who had asked him about me and wanted him to give me his number. Turns out, it as the guy who was talking to Biker outside Biker's shop that day. So, I'm conversing with Mr. Outdoors but have told him, I am NOT interested in a relationship or sex for that matter. (Sounds familiar, I know, but it's the truth and I have no intentions of letting sex into the picture either.) But he took that in stride and asked if I'd be willing to go and do something if he thought of something to do. I told him yes so long as my parents agreed to watch Monkey. He said he understood that. For the life of me, I cannot picture his face in my minds eye...

Monkey is doing great. Healthy right now, and getting huge! His personality is so much fun right now and his laugh is contagious!!! I just LOVE it. He's been so good and such a quick learner. I'm thinking about introducing the potty to him. At least giving him the opportunity and exposure to it. I'm going to get one of those little ones that sits on the floor and right before I put him in the bath every night, just let him sit on it for a little bit. I'm not going to force it on him. Just kind of let him get the feel for it.

I still have yet to hear from Mr. NRN. I saw him again the other day and didn't even give him the satisfaction of a glance in his direction. I know he saw me too. He was facing my direction and wouldn't have been able to miss me if he was blind. So, I'll continue to place him exactly in my life where he places me in his. At the bottom.


I'm going to give the ASSETT test another go today. Wish me luck. I'm gonna get there early if I can!

Hope y'all have a wonderful day!!

Ciao!