You're kidding me...right?

In case any of you are wondering whatever happened to Mr. History...I did hear back from him. It was in the form of an email that went a little something like this...

"Well in lieu of calling you in the middle of the evening when I'm sure you are busy; I have decided to write to you about things, what happened, and offer my sincere apology for my actions, or inaction.  With all of that said I will get straight to the point of things and try my best to make all of this make sense, it has taken me some time to work through all of this on my own an make a decision as to how I would handle this and respond to you.

I understand that I somewhat, well did, just fall off of the face of the earth. First, let me say, that my behavior is not indicative of how I am as a person, not then and not now. I simply came across things that made me think about things with you.  I must admit that through all of the time that we have spent apart and the short amount of time that we got to spend together- I became very overwhelmed by everything.  There was a large part of me that was happy that things had just come together, and i rode that wave for a while and then reality began to sink in for me.

My reality is that I am 32 years old, I am working on my degree, I have no kids and I'm not sure that I am ready for the responsibility of engaging in a relationship with a woman with children.  It is in no way a reflection on you as a person or as the person I knew then and know today.  I still think that you are an awesome person, this isn't about you-it's about me.  I was married to a woman for 4 years, an we were together for 6 years.  In that 6 years I became very attached to her son, then one day She just took it all away from me.  I will admit that our relationship could have been better and there are things that I should have done differently, but as we all know we can't look back on the past because it does not change.  After that I dated some and was very open to the.  idea of dating a woman with children, but I'm just not so sure about it. 

I have been struggling mightily with the choices and decisions that I have had in front of me.  I know that relationship wise, the both of us have chemistry.  There is no question in my mind about that.  I am also not implying that I think you are looking for a dad for your son, because I know you are head strong and I know that you wouldn't do that.  The problem that I run into is my own thought that I would try to assume a role that I might not be ready for, it is so difficult for me to put into words what I'm trying to express here. 

I wish, very much so, that I would have handled everything in a totally different way but I just really didn't know what to say in any way-it troubled me but I should have taken a different road.  Between that and the stresses of school, work and just living I really have had about a million things going through my mind all at once.  Anyway I hope that your doing okay and I hope that you can maybe get the drift of the direction I was trying to go with this message.

TTYL"

I really don't even know where to begin with this one...  Chemistry or not, I have no desire to continue being ignored or treated as though I have the plague. Yes, he should have chosen his path a little more carefully. Do I accept his apology? Sure. Is it likely he will ever talk to me again. Nope. Basically what he told me in this email, whether you see it or not, is that he is so busy in his life. That's cool. Whatever. But to tell me in no uncertain terms that I will pay for his ex-wife's actions and that he is too chicken shit to give someone else a chance...by all means sir. Keep walking. I have no use for a man like that in my life. That's what I got out of this email. What say you?

NOLA: Round 2

It looks like I'm going back to NOLA (New Orleans, Louisiana) for another Memorial Day weekend!  I'm kind of a little more than excited about that for more than a couple reasons. LOL

I have someone new to introduce to you. His name is Mr. Geek Squad. And with his introduction... I have NO CLUE where to begin...

It's been many years since I was in high school (I graduated in '99) and even longer since I first met Mr. Geek Squad but nevertheless, he has been an integral part of my life. He was my very first boyfriend. 

I was 16 when we started dating, and a junior in high school. He was 17 (we are 5 month apart in age), a senior, and just about as wild as they got. Well,...maybe not THAT wild, but he wasn't chess player calm either. He drove a purple Ford Ranger, with limo tint on the windows and was fairly popular with the girls at our school because he had a charming side to him that would have a nun sweating in her knickers, easy. I'm not going to make any bones about the fact that I have a jealous streak a mile wide and twice as long as the Mississippi. It very rarely interferes with my relationships as I keep a tight leash on it, but let me tell you...it drove me freaking NUTS the fact that so many girls felt the need to flirt with him and he'd obliged them by flirting back. That being said, I loved him to pieces. As much as a 16-17 year old high school girl can love her boyfriend, I did.

How long were we together, you ask? LOL  I can't remember dates exactly but I think a whopping six months it was. Hey! In high school time, that's a long relationship!! But that was probably 6 of the most fun months of my life. There was a group of us that were fairly tight and it always seemed like we were going and doing something. Always busy. He said he remembers our relationship was like a rollercoaster. Just really fast paced. I concur. But within that six-ish months, he served as a first of many things for me. He was my first real date. The first hand I held in the hallways. The first ride to school that wasn't a girlfriend, the first flowers, the first jewelry. (He gave me a pair of diamond studs for my 17th birthday. That was in 1997. In 2006, they were stolen from me while I was gone on a det to Korea while I was deployed to Japan. I cried real tears because of that. To this day it bothers me.) He was my first love. So he's always been special, just not always liked. 

When he broke up with me, there was another girl soon to follow in my footsteps. We'll call her Skank Numero Uno, but S#1 for short.  She never realized it because she was too stupid, but he would realize some day that I left big shoes to fill and that she was in no way capable of filling them. In. NO. Way.  They broke up after a while...and due to some deceptive measures on her part, they had a child together.

He was the first to break my heart, also. And due to this, I did not speak to him for a great many years. He went on to get married (not to S#1---Thank God), and divorced.  Received heartbreak to rival some of my own. I don't remember it well, but he reminded me of a few years back of when he had tried to get ahold of me on MySpace. (I know right. MySpace? LOL Hey, we all did it...Haha!)  Apparently he had sent me a message and I returned one to him that told him, in no uncertain terms, to go f**k himself. It sounded like something I might have told him a few years back, but like I said, I only vaguely remember it. He said he was upset by it, but that he knew he deserved it. Be that as it may, I still apologized for it.

NOLA: Round 2 will be underway starting May 26th. I will be driving with Monkey to Mr. Geek Squad's mom's house. Mama Bear always did like me and recently has been just as excited about me coming down as Mr. Geek Squad and I have been. Insert warm fuzzies here. 

I'm about as nervous as a whore in church about the trip but at the same time, at complete peace with it. Since I've been in contact with him, it's become apparent why he and I were so good together in high school. Despite our breaking up due to his being a teenage boy and interested in other things rather than being a steady boyfriend, there is absolutley no denying that our personalities were on par. We didn't fight. I can't remember fighting with him once. We just, clicked. There were quite a few other girls who were just as jealous of me as I was of them. They couldn't come close though. They tried. But they were never me. He knows it.  I believe that my nerves may have something to do with realizing that he has changed a bit in the last 11 or so years.



That's not really him but I thought it was an appropriate picture...hehe. 



Mr. Geek Squad used to love the attention of every girl in the room. Somehow it sank in that that is WAY more trouble than it's worth and seems to be happy with just one girls attention. At the moment, she would be me. I've noticed he's become more of a private person...not so needy of other people's attention.  And even though my dad wasn't impressed with him as a young punk kid and I'm sure he thought Mr. Geek Squad wasn't going to amount to much, he went on to become a Computer Networking Engineer. 

The name comes from his request that I look up prices on iPads at Best Buy while he was in a training seminar...in Louisiana. We all know I live in Texas. So here I am, looking up the sales and specials for a store in New Orleans...while sitting in Texas. Really? LOL  So, the alias was born.

I am BEYOND ecstatic to take Monkey on another adventure and this time to get to see Mama Bear and Mr. Geek Squad...we're even pretty sure his dad, Papa Bear, will be around and not out on the boat!  I haven't seen them in years!!! Gonna be so much fun!!!

Is it May yet?!

Dear Mr. Right

Dear Mr. Right,

It's me, your missing Miss Right. I'm writing this letter because I'm becoming less confident that I will find you. I've been looking for you for a really long time, but you are so darned elusive!  I'll bet I could find a two-headed, purple and gold speckled, skinny hippopotamus before I'll find you.  Silly. I know. But still... 

I'm also writing this letter to tell you that I don't even know you yet, but I miss you in my life. I have a good life and a good family that I can't wait to introduce you to. We have a lot to catch up on and I want to hear all about your life before we met.  I'm looking forward to finding out what you look like, what your voice sounds like, and how my hands fit into yours.  I have a son that is just the light of my life and I can't wait for you to meet him too and see why we think he is so darn cool! 

So far, it's been a long hard road and I'm tired and weary. I have made some bad choices in the men (read: boys) that I have chosen to get involved with and they have done things to me that I know that you never would. I've taken everything in stride and have stumbled some, but my scraped knees are healed and I don't want to walk through my life alone anymore, because let me tell ya, it is SO not fun. Every rock I've tripped over, and every rut I've fallen into has made me more understanding of what and who I am. I'm not perfect. But I'm a work in progress and I know that you are too. I'm going to drive you crazy and you'll wonder why women are so strange but take heart in knowing that I won't do it on purpose and that because of that, you'll love me even more.

All my quirks aside, you'll also take heart in knowing that I've never cheated in my entire life and that God has waiting for you, an awesome and faithful woman. He's made sure that I will find reasons to fall in love with you over and over because I'm capable of looking for those reasons. I hate not having you to go home to and tell you about my day. And I hate not curling up next you to watch movie or go to sleep at night. I hate that you aren't here to laugh and joke with and lighten up my day, or to wipe away my tears when I'm in the depths of and emotional storm.  I hate that you aren't here to tell me I'm being irrational in the way only you will be able to, and it makes me sad that until we meet, you will miss out on so many good things that will happen to me in my life.

On the same note, I know that I am missing out on things and events in your life too. Are you graduating college? Are you starting a business? Have you even decided on what you want to do? Are you comfortable where you are? How old are you today? What have you fallen short of and need my gentle push to get you back on track with? Have you missed my laugh and hugs as much as I've missed yours? Do you even know that I am who is missing when you wonder what that ache is?  And are you just as tired of hearing people say that you are out there as I am?!

Some days I wonder if He forgot about me when he was making matches for other people. Is that true, do you think? Have I written this letter to no one?  That brings tears to my eyes to even think that. I want to be wrong about that. Wherever you are, I'm right here. And though semi-patient, it's only because I'm so excited to finally meet you and find out what I've been missing for so long. :)  I hope you are safe. I hope that wherever you are, that you are loved and respected. And when He thinks we are ready, I'll still be right here.

Missing you,

Gracie

Baseball and hair dye

Wanna know how I know God loves us? We have baseball.

Yesterday was the season opener and I am here to tell you that I am WAY excited about watching ball games again! (I'm sick and tired of basketball and really don't even like the sport.) Baseball is a favorite past time for me and there is NOTHING like eating stadium dogs and drinking a beer while sitting in a crowd of thousands of baseball fans, and watching America's Game. It doesn't get much better than that. 

Last year, the Texas Rangers made it to the World Series and I may or may not have shed real tears when the damn New York Yankees won. Surprise, surprise on that one. I hope they choke this year...

The Astros really sucked last year and it was a major bummer. I can remember sitting in the old Astro Dome with my dad, Grandfather (who is no longer with us, God rest his soul), and Sissy when their uniforms were that super ugly grey and neon yellow and orange. (Whoever thought that up needed to be fired...) Minute-Maid Stadium is quite nice. I was there for Biggio's 3000 hits game. Aside from the sucky company (Mistake's family minus my MIL) is was really awesome! One of these days I'll be back. Hopefully sooner than later.

I saw Strand Therapist today. I have noticed that the silver in my hair is REALLY starting to multiply...rapidly. Strand Therapist agreed, much to my dismay. So I got my hair color touched up and feel a little better about hiding from the world the fact that by the time I'm 40 I could very well be more salt than pepper (if looking at my mother is any indication...).  I'm just not ready to add twenty years to my face at the tender age of 30. Don't judge...

I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. Laundry probably.  Sounds exciting right?  Well, considering I was informed today that my American Bulldog is more than likely going to require a knee surgery to the tune of a thousand buckaroos...I'll be pinching my pennies until Abe Lincoln himself begs for relief from the pressure.  Wish me (and him) luck!

Down and out...

One of my favorite bands is a Texas Country band by the name of Randy Rogers Band. They are freaking awesome and if you don't know who they are, you need to familiarize yourself with them. One of their songs is titled 'Down and Out' and that's just how I feel today.  Out of nowhere today I have this overwhelming and unsettling feeling of just flat out missing Mr. NRN. I know, I know. We've been through this. But that doesn't change the fact that it's still there.  He has a girlfriend now and I'm honestly happy for him (honestly). But I miss talking to him and joking around, and being able to talk to him and he would just...get it. He understood a lot of what I said and didn't judge me. Pick on me, yes. LOL But he never judged me.  When I get to thinking about everything that happened between us, because I admit SOME fault, I just...miss him. Sometimes to the point of tears...like today.

Giveaway and recipe...

I know I talk about her a lot but it's because I love her and she's one of my best friends. When Mrs. Adventure first told me about her blog I was completely clueless about the "Blog World" and all of it's...perks. The fact of the matter is, my blog is almost therapeutic to me. It's a place where I can get things off my chest that maybe I can't say in the real world. It's a place I can seek validation in times of feeling uneasy about something, or just to put down events that have happened for personal historical value. I love to write and have been told many, many, MANY times that I missed my calling and should have been a writer. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. The important thing is that it soothes me when I need to get something out of my head and I have a place to put it.

Perks. You know your attention was mine when I said 'perks'. Go ahead...just admit it. It's just you and me here. ;)  Some of the perks of Blogville is that you find people on here that are amazing in their triumphs, maniacal in their passions, heartbreaking with their tragedies.  I've met a few people in Blogville that maybe someday I'll actually have the pleasure and honor of meeting in real life. (Yes, Allison...I'm talking about you.)

I have known Mrs. Adventure and Mr. Arkansas (her husband) for some time now and know first hand how yummy their concoctions can be. If you happen to like portabello mushrooms and garlic, you may want to head on over here and see what she's got for us today. It looks yummy and I can't wait to try it for myself!!  She also used Garlic Nuggets. Let me tell you. These things are worth every penny as they are scrumpdiddlyumtious!  No joke. LOL  I'll be taking advantage of her 20% off coupon code on their website. You can bet on that!

She also has a giveaway going on right now for a $75.00 Hayneedle Gift Card Giveaway. I know my Gran could use a rain barrel with as much plant watering as she does...

I hope you guys are having a good day. After I pick Monkey up from work today, I'll be heading over to the Chevrolet Dealership and possibly test driving an Equinox. Maybe if I feed Monkey before we get there, he'll be somewhat well behaved and I'll be able to focus on the vehicle and not be so distracted by my two-year old (who is also bringing in some two-year molars right now).  He happens to be OBSESSED with cars right now so maybe that's just the place to take him... LOL. Who knows?  I'm sure I'll have something to say about it tomorrow...

Washing my hands of it...



This is the LTX trim...not the one I'm looking at. But the same vehicle none the less.



So, I've decided to trade in my Xterra (and honestly having mixed feelings about it...she's been REALLY good to me) and have been looking at a Chevrolet Equinox.  My goal is to lower my monthly payment, get better gas mileage, and give Monkey some more room in the back seat. Right now, he can rest his feet on the inside corners of both of the front seats. LOL  Little moose!  I was looking into possibly getting a Nissan Titan (my dad has one and I really like it...in fact, I look for reasons to get to drive it!) but decided that I WILL have a full sized truck, but not this time. Gas prices are rumored to be outrageously stupid this summer and I have a 22 mile commute to work...one way.  The Equinox boasts a 22/32 MPG while Xterra gets 16/22 MPG.  The back seat leg room goes to Equinox also at 41.2/39.9 (front/rear), as opposed to Xterra's 42.4/34.4.  My Xterra has a V6 in it and there is a V6 option for the Equinox, but chances are I would be giving up my V6 for a 4-cylinder. Sucks, but if the price is right (to include what I'm getting out of my tank for what I'm putting into it) then we have a deal.  I'm still in the beginning stages of this excursion but we'll see how it all turns out. 



The weekend was pretty fun. Friday night Monkey and I went to Blondie's house after we went out to eat. We had Chinese and though I'm not a fan of Chinese, it was good. She suckered me into it because the restaurant that we went to has "sticky buns". A delicious yeast roll that is slightly drizzled with honey. Have I mentioned that they are to die for? Mmm hmm. They sure are. I could live off of them forever. Anywho. So after we left the restaurant, we got all the way to Blondie's before I realized that I had NO CLUE where my phone was. (It's a Samsung Fascinate...) We went all the way BACK to the restaurant just for them to tell me that they didn't have it. Well, hell. Blondie and I proceeded to search the parking lot and my car for this thing. Wanna know where it was? Monkey was sitting on it the ENTIRE time. LOL!!!!  I changed his diaper before we went in to eat and apparently didn't look in his seat when we came back out. (side note: while I was in the restaurant asking the staff if they had seen it, a guy at the counter offered to call it for me to see if it would ring. Uh, No?  I don't know you! I'm not just gonna GIVE you my number! You could be some creepy stalker and use my phone to find and MURDER me!  Thanks, but NO thanks...  "No thanks. One of my girlfriends has her phone in the car. We'll just use hers." Exit quickly...)  Finally, we made it back to her place. A little while later, Monkey started pitching a fit because he was tired and was ready to go to bed. So I took his little butt home and let him lay down.

Saturday, Sissy and I went to ATX (Austin) to go to Whole Foods. I absolutely LOVE that store. It's like, hippie Mecca and there are quite a few people who walk around smelling like patchouli and B.O. (both of which are enough to make you vomit in your mouth a little) but all in all, I like it because most everything in there is either health conscious, and/or organic. (No, I am not a tree-hugger, but my girlfriend Mrs. Adventure has enlightened me to some healthier alternatives and tips on better eating habits.) It was a good trip. I picked up some more granola, chia seeds, raw organic almonds, whey protein powder (for my morning smoothies since I don't eat eggs), some olives to chop up and put into my salads, some snacks for Monkey's lunches, and a couple other things.  Hopefully, when they finish building the new H-E-B in our town, it will have a bulk section. Mrs. Adventure has one in her local H-E-B and I am green with ENVY. They are saying it's going to be the biggest one in Texas but we'll see. I've been in some seriously big H-E-B's in my day... LOL.

Mr. History is just that...history. And it's really quite sad. One day we are chatting and talking like normal and then the next, nothing. Silent treatment in fact. I don't know about you, but I'm not about to be put on the 'silent treatment' list for no good reason. I sent him a text and asked him what the deal was and his excuse for the days with no communication is that he's been really tired lately and blah, blah, blah. By no means am I getting all twisted because he isn't talking to me, but I feel like he should have just said something like, "Hey...I'm a little run down and just don't have the energy to talk right now...hit you up in a few days after I get some strength back." instead of straight up ignoring me.  I get it. We all have days like that. But communication is a big deal to me. If I can't talk to you, or you can't talk to me (and this goes for ALL of my friends and family...everyone that I am directly in contact with) then there is a problem. Not only that, but for him to be beyond ecstatic and make such a big deal about me finally finding him after he's been looking for me for 9 years and then go to not talking to me at all... No. I'm not playing these games. You either have enough respect for me to tell me what's on your mind, or you don't. And in the case that you don't, I don't have room for you in my life. It's just that simple. You don't tell someone that you "missed" someone for so long and then not have the decency to tell them what's on your mind. It makes you a liar. I don't like being lied to. It doesn't make me feel good, or special.

Maybe I'm just better off single. *sigh* Mrs. Adventure and I email frequently. She knows all about the ruts and retards that have come in and out of my life.  She said to me in an email one day "Gracie, he is a man. Its not that shocking sorry dear. One out of ever 100 is someone you'd want to end up with and at our age at least half of them are married... because they wanted to be. You are up against sorting through all the shitty ones for the diamond in the rough. It sucks but its just the truth. Don't let it get you down you need to look at dating for what it is."  I love her because she knows me too well. LOL

There are very few good ones left. I'm still looking. But unless Mr. History makes a damn good case for his lack of good judgement when it came to my feelings, things will continue to stand as they are. And by damn good case, I do mean a damn good case.  I'm thinking single sounds pretty freaking good for the rest of my life. Single doesn't get you hurt. So, I'm washing my hands of it.

Gracie